Divorce looks good on us, right? I am grateful that we’ve decided to keep in touch and be friendly towards each other although I believe our true intention of communicating is to see who suffers the most without the other. My ego wants to believe that I won… because I’m still fine. Despite my boobs falling, a few gray hairs on my head and tiger stripes in new places, I could pull another. I continue to wear my ring – I earned it – yet men still approach me because my countenance is good. My heart is good. My intentions are pure. Can you say the same?
Over the last three years, I have matured in my identity as a woman, a wife, and most importantly, a believer. Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how our marriage changed me; how it has forced me to grow. Even though I forgave you a long time ago, it has taken years for me to forgive myself. In honor of national gratitude month, I am writing to you about why I am grateful and what I have learned from our season together.
I am grateful that God chose, and continues to choose, to speak to me. Marriage was never a desire of my heart but I knew who my husband was supposed to be. I understood that my plan for my life wouldn’t always equate to His plan, and after doing everything for myself for so long, I figured having a husband didn’t seem like a bad idea. We both went into our union knowing that we weren’t each other’s type and that we had a lot of work to do, but I assumed that since God was in it, He would work it out.
God did not work it out, so I am grateful for divorce. One of the greatest lessons our marriage taught me is that God will not overcome what He purposed for you to overcome. He will give you the resources and clear the path for you. He will fight on your behalf. But when you are your own worst enemy, He will not fight you. There is no faith in that. There is no love in that. Love is always a choice.
Husband, I left you. I left feeling used, abused, isolated, depressed, broken and angry — I knew you took glory in this. I couldn’t be angry with you because I knew your character, but I was viciously angry with God. I had listened to God. I had obeyed God. I had done my part, yet I still received the short end of the stick. It took me years to see that God was teaching me, through our union, how to be a vessel. An empty vessel. One who does not put limitations and exceptions on how I should be used. One who is not constricted by man made titles, interpretations and definitives. Previous to meeting you, I thought that being used by God was supposed to be for my good… for my benefit, but this is not always true. I now have peace, and not frustration, in the knowledge that I did my part, and that it was good enough even though our story didn’t end happily ever after. Who knows the affect that our obedience had on the Kingdom? I am grateful for deeper revelation.
After our divorce, I spent months indignantly questioning God and reminding Him of how everything I’d worked so hard for had been destroyed. Then one day I realized that it was supposed to be. My reputation? Destroyed. My marriage? Eradicated. My church friends? Cancelled. My identity? Obliterated. Of all people in this world, God chose you to teach me some very hard lessons and because He did not leave me to die, I am grateful.
I am better prepared, as a true servant, for when He wants to use me again in such a tremendous way. The fact that I am open to the idea of going through another wounding experience let’s me know that I may have a decent grasp of this whole Christianity thing, or that I am nearly psychotic. Perhaps, true faith requires that you be both.
Husband. I truly hope that you have learned how to respect women. I hope that you have realized that your role as a husband or boyfriend in a woman’s life does not take precedence over God’s role in her life. Although you were made in God’s image, you are not God. Humble thyself. His yolk is easy and his burden is light.
I have no regrets. I still like me. I am learning to fall in love with me again despite my blemishes. My faith keeps me going. I am grateful that God will always be God regardless of my current situation, and I can never fail while pursuing His purpose and plan for my life. I hope that from our time together, you have learned this vital lesson too.